Sorry for the late post but life has been a little
busy. The other day I posted my best of 2013 list. Today it's time to do my
worst of 2013 list.
DISCLAIMER: All reviews are spoiler free,
unless otherwise warned.
DISCLAIMER: This list is purely my opinion. You
can love it, hate it, or be indifferent to it. Also, if some of your choices
aren't here I may not have seen them. I did not make it to many movies this
year.
10: I will more than likely take flak for this, but
coming in at number 10 is The Great Gatsby. I know a lot of people like
Gatsby, but it just didn't hit the right chords for me. Now to clear the air, I
haven't read the book so I'm not a ranting fan. My fiancé has read the book and
she thoroughly liked to movie. I loved Leonardo Dicaprio's acting. Carey
Mulligan, Tobey Maguire, and Joel Edgerton seemed like they were overacting.
Baz Luhrmann's past movies don't hit the right note for me either. Just like
Gatsby, they are too flashy, the colors are too loud, and they are boring.
Gatsby suffers from all of them. Gatsby was so boring that the
"twist" end (if you can call it that), didn't hit me like it was
intended. I just didn't care at that point.
9: Coming in at number 9 is another snore-fest, The
Last Exorcism: Part 2. Horror movies are supposed to be frightening and keep
you on edge, not put you to sleep. The first one was just as boring. The
characters are not intriguing, which is the script and actors’ faults. The
acting is not good at all, sure it is a horror movie, but that isn't a good
reason to not bring your A-game. The "scares" were predictable and
pathetic. The only demographic this would scare are jumpy little teenage girls.
8: Phoning it in at number 8 is Texas Chainsaw.
Texas Chainsaw is a "sequel" to the 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Can
I call bullshit on that one? First thing is that the timeline doesn't match up.
They don't mention a time so I'm going to assume that it takes place around
2012. Let's do some math, 2012 - 1974 = 38. Alexandra Daddario's character was
born in 1974, so that would make her 38. That is the youngest looking and the
most immature 38-year-old I’ve ever seen. The acting is terrible, the script is
terrible, the direction is............you guessed it terrible.
7: At number 7 is another snore-fest horror film, Dark
Skies. Dark Skies from the trailer looked OK at best. The movie, on the
other hand, was less than OK. The acting was blah except for J.K. Simmons. I
thought the scene with him was great. If he was in it longer it might not make
the list. Now let’s talk about the (POSSIBLE SPOILER)
aliens. It was the worst CG i have ever seen.
6: At number 6 is The Purge. The Purge had
so much hype going into it. Shortly into the movie, I realized that I was in
for nothing at all. The Purge was so stale and tasteless. It had so much
promise story wise but it just fell flat. The action was boring and
choreographed terribly.
5: At number 5 is A Haunted House. A Haunted
House is the newest spoof film with Marlon Wayans. Marlon was the only good
thing in this flick. All the jokes were childish and awful. It actually had
fart jokes...........fart jokes. Well what can we expect from spoof films
nowadays. We haven't had a good spoof since the 90's.
4: At number 4 is Identity Thief. Identity
Thief looked like it could be a solid comedy going into it, but all the numbers
just didn't match up. I love Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy. They were
great in the movie but the script was awful. The improv jokes were great but
the written jokes were as stale as year old crackers. It could be the biggest
let down of the year, because I was so excited for Bateman and McCarthy.
3: Coming in at number 3 is the new
shamalamadingdong film, After Earth. If it wasn't for Will Smith (as
terrible as a character he was), this film probably would be number 2. I think
the plot and story could've had potential if it wasn’t directed by M. Night.
Now I wish I would've seen this in theaters so I wouldn't have been distracted
and fell asleep. I am still waiting on Jaden Smith to become the star, if not
bigger than his father. After Earth has set him back further away.
2: Coming in at number 2 is the next film in the
scary movie franchise, Scary Movie 5. That's right I said Scary Movie 5.
When will they just stop? Now I am a fan of the first two Scary Movies, after
that it's just a train wreck getting worse and worse. To show you how bad this
movie is, it has Ashley Tisdale. Ashley Tisdale in a Scary Movie. That’s a
recipe for a cheese ball of a film. All the jokes are so forced it makes you
cry. I honestly think the next film is going to be a guy on the toilet taking a
crap. Then he'll just fling it at the camera and laugh.
1: Coming in at the top of crap mountain is.......drum
roll please..............Movie 43. Let me start off by saying I barely
finished this movie. THE REST OF THE REVIEW IS SPOILER
FILLED! I barely made it out of the Hugh Jackman nut sack chin. Yes I
said NUT SACK CHIN! Another terrible skit is Liev Schreiber's skit of him
and Naomi Watts home schooling their child. They want him to have a real high
school life, so they pick on him and ruin his social life. This collection of
turds is the worst movie I have ever seen. The WORST FILM EVER!
Thank you for reading and please comment with your
choices.
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